i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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