just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
