Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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