Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
