brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
