I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
