is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
