his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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