My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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