Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
third nipple confirmed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
