the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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