Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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