He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
