She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
