hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
