kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
