Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
