That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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