I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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