There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
