a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
