What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
