Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
