John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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