Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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