3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
