My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
