Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
