How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
