She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
