Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
