Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
