Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Never joke about your clitoris.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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