WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
