Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
