Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
