i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
