It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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