My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
