You can't motorboat a personality
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish there were birth control emojis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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