dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
