I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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