i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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