My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
