Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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