Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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