I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
