i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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