If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
