I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
