he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
