I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
