Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
