How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
