The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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