We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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