I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
