there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
