i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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