Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
