I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
