2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
