I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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