woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
