i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
