Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
