Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
