Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
