Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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