Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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