Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
