My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
