Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
