the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
