2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you had me at cake vodka
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
