Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
