be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
