Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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