he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
