Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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