he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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