Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
